Kalbin Kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 Yer ile Huzurun Bulundu\u011fu Yer<\/p>
2002 y\u0131l\u0131n\u0131n Aral\u0131k ay\u0131nda Hollanda\u2019da ya\u015fayan Simge, EminAbi.com\u2019un S\u0131r K\u00fcp\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcne bir soru b\u0131rakt\u0131. \u0130ki ki\u015fi aras\u0131nda kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131: Bir zamanlar derinden sevdi\u011fi fakat kendisini defalarca hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131na u\u011fratan biri ve kendisine anlay\u0131\u015f g\u00f6steren Erkan. Forumdaki yan\u0131tlar, yaln\u0131zca kimi se\u00e7mesi gerekti\u011fi \u00fczerine de\u011fil, sevgi ile huzurun birbirine ne kadar yak\u0131n oldu\u011fu \u00fczerine de d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeye \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yordu.<\/p>
Simge, 10 Aral\u0131k 2002 tarihli mesaj\u0131nda Hollanda\u2019da ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, ailesinin ayr\u0131 oldu\u011funu ve sorunlu bir d\u00f6nemden ge\u00e7ti\u011fini anlatt\u0131. Okuldan sonraki vaktinin \u00f6nemli bir k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 sohbet ortamlar\u0131nda ge\u00e7irirken tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 biriyle yaz\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 zamanla a\u015fka d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Foto\u011fraf\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, s\u00f6zlerini okudu\u011fu birine bu kadar ba\u011flanm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131na kendisi de \u015fa\u015f\u0131r\u0131yordu.<\/p>
\u0130zin d\u00f6neminde bulu\u015fmay\u0131 planlam\u0131\u015flard\u0131. Simge\u2019nin anlat\u0131m\u0131na g\u00f6re kar\u015f\u0131 taraf s\u00f6z verdi\u011fi h\u00e2lde gelmedi; daha sonra da uzun s\u00fcre ortadan kayboldu. Simge bekledi, \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc ve bu ili\u015fkiyi unutmakta zorland\u0131.<\/p>
Bu bekleyi\u015f s\u0131ras\u0131nda Erkan\u2019la tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Onunla y\u00fcz y\u00fcze g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc, kendisini k\u0131rmayan ve yak\u0131n davranan biri oldu\u011funu yazd\u0131. Fakat ilk tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015fiden yeniden e-posta gelince eski duygular\u0131 canland\u0131. Erkan yaz\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde Simge\u2019ye bir s\u00fcre tan\u0131d\u0131 ve karar\u0131n\u0131 kendi kalbine g\u00f6re vermesini istedi.<\/p>
Simge\u2019nin ikilemi a\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131: Kalbi h\u00e2l\u00e2 kendisini bekleten ki\u015fiye d\u00f6n\u00fcyordu; g\u00fcnl\u00fck hayatta ise g\u00fcven ve anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131 Erkan\u2019da buldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordu. Forum \u00fcyelerinden yard\u0131m istemesinin nedeni de buydu.<\/p>
Ela ve Nilay a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a Erkan\u2019dan yana g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f bildirdi. Barbaros, huzurun s\u00fcrekli ac\u0131 veren bir a\u015fktan daha de\u011ferli olabilece\u011fini savundu. Me\u00c7HuL, insan\u0131n kendisini inciten ki\u015fiye ba\u011flanmas\u0131n\u0131n m\u00fcmk\u00fcn oldu\u011funu kabul etmekle birlikte mant\u0131kl\u0131 se\u00e7imin Erkan olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. WhiteEagle ve Topr@k_ da benzer bir yakla\u015f\u0131m sergiledi.<\/p>
Buna kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k Neseli, Simge\u2019ye kalbinin sesini dinlemesini \u00f6nerdi. Mukol ise akl\u0131n Erkan\u2019\u0131 g\u00f6sterse bile duygular\u0131n her zaman mant\u0131\u011fa uymad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rlatt\u0131. Ba\u015fka kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131lar internetten ba\u015flayan ili\u015fkilerde dikkatli olunmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini s\u00f6yledi. Bir \u00fcyenin k\u0131sa itiraz\u0131 ise \u00e7o\u011funlu\u011fun g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn herkes\u00e7e payla\u015f\u0131lmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6steriyordu.<\/p>
Bu yorumlar, 2000\u2019li y\u0131llar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda internet \u00fczerinden kurulan duygusal ba\u011flar\u0131n hem merak hem de ku\u015fkuyla kar\u015f\u0131land\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da yans\u0131t\u0131yor. Simge\u2019nin sorusu, uzak mesafedeki s\u00f6zlerle y\u00fcz y\u00fcze ya\u015fanan g\u00fcven aras\u0131ndaki fark\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr k\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>
Simge, 3 Ocak 2003\u2019te yeniden yazarak mesajlar\u0131 okudu\u011funu, kafas\u0131n\u0131n biraz olsun netle\u015fti\u011fini ve kendisine zaman ay\u0131ranlara te\u015fekk\u00fcr etti\u011fini belirtti. Ancak Erkan\u2019\u0131 m\u0131, ilk tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015fiyi mi se\u00e7ti\u011fini a\u00e7\u0131klamad\u0131. Sonraki yan\u0131tlar 2003 y\u0131l\u0131n\u0131n Ekim ay\u0131na kadar s\u00fcrd\u00fc; ar\u015fivde karar\u0131n\u0131n sonucunu do\u011frulayan bir bilgi yok.<\/p>
Bu nedenle hik\u00e2yeye mutlu ya da mutsuz bir son ekleyemeyiz. Ar\u015fivde kalan, gen\u00e7 bir kad\u0131n\u0131n karars\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 payla\u015fmas\u0131 ve farkl\u0131 \u00fclkelerden \u00fcyelerin ona kendi deneyimleriyle kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k vermesidir.<\/p>
Simge\u2019nin ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ikilem bug\u00fcn de tan\u0131d\u0131k gelebilir. Bir ili\u015fkiye duyulan \u00f6zlem, o ili\u015fkinin insana iyi geldi\u011fi anlam\u0131na m\u0131 gelir? G\u00fcven veren birini se\u00e7mek, ona kar\u015f\u0131 ayn\u0131 duygular\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131madan m\u00fcmk\u00fcn m\u00fcd\u00fcr? Forum \u00fcyeleri ayn\u0131 sorulara farkl\u0131 yan\u0131tlar verdi. Belki de bu ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n de\u011feri, kesin bir karar sunmas\u0131ndan \u00e7ok, birinin kendi karar\u0131n\u0131 daha bilin\u00e7li verebilmesi i\u00e7in d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme alan\u0131 a\u00e7mas\u0131ndad\u0131r.<\/p>
Ar\u015fiv bilgisi: \u201cNe yapmal\u0131y\u0131m?\u201d \u2014 Simge, 10 Aral\u0131k 2002. S\u0131r K\u00fcp\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc. Toplam 26 mesaj; son yan\u0131t 23 Ekim 2003.<\/p>