2002 y\u0131l\u0131nda \u201c\u00c7aresiz\u201d rumuzlu bir forum \u00fcyemiz, ailesinin kararlar\u0131yla \u015fekillenen evlili\u011fini, iki \u00e7ocu\u011funa kar\u015f\u0131 sorumlulu\u011funu ve ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u011f\u0131r bunal\u0131m\u0131 anlatt\u0131. Forumumuzdaki yan\u0131tlar, yard\u0131m etme iste\u011finin yan\u0131nda d\u00f6nemin yarg\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 da g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr k\u0131ld\u0131.<\/p>
25 A\u011fustos 2002 tarihinde S\u0131r K\u00fcp\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde a\u00e7\u0131lan ba\u015fl\u0131k, do\u011frudan ve sars\u0131c\u0131yd\u0131: \u201c\u00d6lmek istiyorum!!!\u201d Mesaj\u0131 yazan 24 ya\u015f\u0131ndaki \u00fcyemiz, Avrupa\u2019da ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu; hangi \u00fclkede bulundu\u011funu belirtmiyordu. Kendi anlat\u0131m\u0131na g\u00f6re 15 ya\u015f\u0131nda ailesi taraf\u0131ndan T\u00fcrkiye\u2019ye din\u00ee e\u011fitim i\u00e7in g\u00f6nderilmi\u015f, yakla\u015f\u0131k iki y\u0131l sonra Avrupa\u2019ya d\u00f6nmesine ancak evlenmesi ko\u015fuluyla izin verilmi\u015fti.<\/p>
\u0130ki \u00e7ocuk babas\u0131 oldu\u011funu, e\u015fiyle duygusal yak\u0131nl\u0131k kuramad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, bo\u015fanmak istedi\u011finde ailesinin ve \u00e7evresinin kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlat\u0131yordu. Bu s\u0131rada ba\u015fka birine \u00e2\u015f\u0131k olmu\u015ftu. Evlili\u011fini s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmek, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6revleri ve kendi gelece\u011fi aras\u0131nda s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissediyordu. Alkol ve esrar kullanmaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a belirtiyor, bunlar\u0131n sorunlar\u0131na \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bildi\u011fini s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu. Mesaj\u0131ndaki ya\u015fam\u0131na son verme d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi, yaln\u0131zca bir ili\u015fki ikilemi de\u011fil, ciddiye al\u0131nmas\u0131 gereken bir yard\u0131m \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>
Gaye, yan\u0131t\u0131nda gen\u00e7 adam\u0131n hayat\u0131ndaki \u00f6nemli kararlar\u0131n ailesi taraf\u0131ndan al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131na dikkat \u00e7ekti. Aileye sayg\u0131n\u0131n ki\u015finin kendi ya\u015fam\u0131 \u00fczerindeki s\u00f6z hakk\u0131n\u0131 ortadan kald\u0131rmamas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini savundu. E\u015fi ve ailesiyle a\u00e7\u0131k konu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6nerirken kendisine zarar vermemesi i\u00e7in de seslendi.<\/p>
\u00c7aresiz, Gaye\u2019ye yan\u0131t verdi. Daha \u00f6nce ailesiyle evlili\u011fini konu\u015fmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, ancak anne ve babas\u0131n\u0131n sa\u011fl\u0131k sorunlar\u0131 ya\u015famas\u0131 \u00fczerine konunun daha da zorla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlatt\u0131. B\u00f6ylece tart\u0131\u015fmada, ailesini \u00fczme korkusunun onun karar alma g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc nas\u0131l derinle\u015ftirdi\u011fi ortaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131.<\/p>
Gamze ve ba\u015fka kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131lar, ya\u015fama tutunmas\u0131n\u0131 ve \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmesini istedi. Baz\u0131lar\u0131 evlili\u011fini onarmas\u0131n\u0131, baz\u0131lar\u0131ysa mutsuz bir evlili\u011fi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmek zorunda olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 savundu. Merve ve minik, e\u015finin de duygular\u0131n\u0131n ve \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z ard\u0131 edilmemesi gerekti\u011fini hat\u0131rlatt\u0131. Me\u00c7HuL, ki\u015finin mutlulu\u011funu aramas\u0131n\u0131n babal\u0131k sorumlulu\u011funu terk etmek anlam\u0131na gelmedi\u011fini yazd\u0131.<\/p>
Bu yan\u0131tlar ayn\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fte birle\u015fmiyordu. Kimi sadakati \u00f6ne \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131yor, kimi aile bask\u0131s\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 bireysel karar hakk\u0131n\u0131 savunuyordu. Ortak noktalar\u0131 ise b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde gen\u00e7 adam\u0131n ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131 kaybetmesini istememeleriydi.<\/p>
Ar\u015fivde bug\u00fcn de dikkat \u00e7eken bir ba\u015fka nokta, destek vermek isteyen baz\u0131 mesajlar\u0131n sert ve su\u00e7lay\u0131c\u0131 bir dile kaymas\u0131. Baz\u0131 kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131lar, i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fu durumu yaln\u0131zca kendi hatalar\u0131n\u0131n sonucu gibi de\u011ferlendirdi. Oysa bir insan\u0131n intihardan s\u00f6z etti\u011fi anda ilk ihtiya\u00e7, ahlaki h\u00fck\u00fcmden \u00f6nce g\u00fcvenli\u011finin ve ruhsal durumunun ciddiyetle ele al\u0131nmas\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>
2004 y\u0131l\u0131na gelindi\u011finde tart\u0131\u015fma, alkol ve madde kullan\u0131m\u0131 \u00fczerine \u00fcyeler aras\u0131ndaki ayr\u0131 bir g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Forum y\u00f6neticisi Caesarius da bu al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131n normalle\u015ftirilmemesi gerekti\u011fini vurgulad\u0131. B\u00f6ylece ilk yard\u0131m \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131, zaman i\u00e7inde daha genel bir ahlak ve sorumluluk tart\u0131\u015fmas\u0131na evrildi.<\/p>
2 Ekim 2003\u2019te bir \u00fcye, \u00c7aresiz\u2019in hayatta olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve yeniden foruma girip girmedi\u011fini sordu. Ar\u015fivde bu soruya kesin bir yan\u0131t bulunmuyor. \u0130lk iki mesaj\u0131ndan sonra \u00c7aresiz\u2019in ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n nas\u0131l devam etti\u011fini bilmiyoruz. Bu belirsizli\u011fi umut verici ya da trajik bir sonuca d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrmek do\u011fru olmaz.<\/p>
Bu ba\u015fl\u0131k, 2002 y\u0131l\u0131nda insanlar\u0131n internet \u00fczerinden birbirlerine ula\u015fmaya, ac\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 anlatmaya ve yol g\u00f6stermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131 bir d\u00f6nemin kayd\u0131. Bug\u00fcn ayn\u0131 durumda biriyle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, yaln\u0131zca \u201cg\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc ol\u201d demekle yetinmemek; ki\u015fiyi yaln\u0131z b\u0131rakmadan dinlemek, acil tehlike olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlamak ve profesyonel deste\u011fe y\u00f6nlendirmek \u00f6nemlidir.<\/p>
Ar\u015fivimizde kalan bu konu\u015fma, bazen bir forum mesaj\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131nda ger\u00e7ek ve acil bir insan ihtiyac\u0131 bulundu\u011funu hat\u0131rlat\u0131yor.<\/p>