A\u015fk m\u0131, sadakat mi, yoksa bencillik mi? | Forumdan Se\u00e7meler \u00b7 2002<\/p>
25 A\u011fustos 2002\u2019de EminAbi.com forumuna \u201c\u00dc\u00e7 kad\u0131na a\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u201d ba\u015fl\u0131kl\u0131 bir mesaj b\u0131rak\u0131ld\u0131. Bar\u0131\u015f ad\u0131n\u0131 kullanan kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131, evli oldu\u011funu ve hayat\u0131nda iki sevgilisi daha bulundu\u011funu anlat\u0131yordu. E\u015fini kendisine duydu\u011fu \u201cvefa borcu\u201d nedeniyle terk edemedi\u011fini, di\u011fer iki kad\u0131na da ayn\u0131 \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde \u00e2\u015f\u0131k oldu\u011funu s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu. K\u0131rk ya\u015f\u0131nda, yo\u011fun \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan bir y\u00f6netici oldu\u011funu ekliyor; hakaret de\u011fil, yap\u0131c\u0131 ele\u015ftiri istiyordu. Bu k\u0131sa itiraf, forumun en hararetli ili\u015fki tart\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131ndan birinin kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131.<\/p>
P\u0131nar, konuya yaln\u0131zca \u00f6fkeyle yakla\u015fmad\u0131. Kendi ge\u00e7mi\u015finde birden fazla ki\u015fiye ilgi duydu\u011fu d\u00f6nemleri hat\u0131rlatarak, farkl\u0131 insanlardan al\u0131nan ilginin insan\u0131 fark ettirmeden yorabilece\u011fini anlatt\u0131. Ona g\u00f6re ilgi g\u00f6rmek ve ho\u015flanmak, mutlaka \u00e2\u015f\u0131k olmak anlam\u0131na gelmiyordu. As\u0131l sorulmas\u0131 gereken, insan\u0131n ne arad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve mevcut ili\u015fkilerinde neyi bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131yd\u0131. Bu yakla\u015f\u0131m, tart\u0131\u015fmaya ki\u015fisel deneyimden gelen daha d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceli bir boyut katt\u0131.<\/p>
T\u0131rt\u0131l ise meseleyi d\u00fcr\u00fcstl\u00fck \u00fczerinden de\u011ferlendirdi. \u00dc\u00e7 ili\u015fkiyi bir arada s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmenin, taraflardan baz\u0131lar\u0131na ger\u00e7eklerin saklanmas\u0131 anlam\u0131na gelebilece\u011fini savundu. Sunay\u2019\u0131n sorusu daha do\u011frudand\u0131: Bar\u0131\u015f ayn\u0131 durumu e\u015fi ya da sevgililerinden biri ya\u015fatsa nas\u0131l hissederdi? Gezgin_34 de e\u015fe kar\u015f\u0131 sayg\u0131 sorumlulu\u011funu vurgulad\u0131. Tart\u0131\u015fman\u0131n bu b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde odak, birden fazla ki\u015fiye duyulan hislerden \u00e7ok, bu hislerin ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n hayat\u0131nda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 izlere kayd\u0131.<\/p>
Ele\u015ftiriler artt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda Bar\u0131\u015f geri ad\u0131m atmad\u0131. \u0130nsanlar\u0131n kendisini anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan yak\u0131nd\u0131; \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn\u00fc de istedi\u011fini s\u00f6yledi. E\u015finin \u015f\u00fcphelenip \u015f\u00fcphelenmedi\u011fi soruldu\u011funda ise e\u015fine kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6revlerini eksik yapmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc belirtti. Tam da bu noktada g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 belirginle\u015fti: Bir ili\u015fkiye emek vermek, o ili\u015fkide ger\u00e7e\u011fi saklamay\u0131 hakl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karabilir miydi?<\/p>
Baz\u0131 \u00fcyeler durumu alaya ald\u0131, baz\u0131lar\u0131 kesin bi\u00e7imde k\u0131nad\u0131. Buna kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k ba\u015fka bir kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131, evlilik ve di\u011fer ili\u015fkiler hakk\u0131nda herkesin ger\u00e7ekleri bilip bilmedi\u011finin belirleyici oldu\u011funu savundu. Bir ba\u015fka \u00fcye, birden fazla ki\u015fiye duyulan ilginin a\u015fk de\u011fil ho\u015flanma olabilece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Forumdaki bu farkl\u0131 tepkiler, tek bir cevaba ula\u015fmaktan \u00e7ok, a\u015fk\u0131n nas\u0131l tan\u0131mland\u0131\u011f\u0131na ili\u015fkin ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr k\u0131ld\u0131.<\/p>
Bug\u00fcn de ili\u015fkilerde sadakat, a\u00e7\u0131k ileti\u015fim, kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 r\u0131za ve sorumluluk konu\u015fulmaya devam ediyor. 2002\u2019de a\u00e7\u0131lan bu ba\u015fl\u0131k, d\u00f6neminin diliyle sorulmu\u015f olsa da g\u00fcncelli\u011fini koruyan bir ikilemi \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fcze koyuyor: Bir insan kendi duygular\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015farken, ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00fcvenini ve se\u00e7im hakk\u0131n\u0131 ne \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde g\u00f6zetmek zorunda? Tarih\u00ee ar\u015fivimizdeki bu tart\u0131\u015fma, cevaptan \u00e7ok sorunun neden \u00f6nemli oldu\u011funu hat\u0131rlat\u0131yor.<\/p>
Bar\u0131\u015f \u2014 ilk mesaj \u00b7 post #82<\/a><\/p> P\u0131nar \u2014 ki\u015fisel deneyim \u00b7 post #85<\/a><\/p> T\u0131rt\u0131l \u2014 d\u00fcr\u00fcstl\u00fck \u00b7 post #89<\/a><\/p> Bar\u0131\u015f \u2014 ilk yan\u0131t \u00b7 post #346<\/a><\/p> Bar\u0131\u015f \u2014 e\u015finin \u015f\u00fcphelenmesi \u00b7 post #402<\/a><\/p> Gezgin_34 \u2014 sayg\u0131 \u00b7 post #435<\/a><\/p> Sunay \u2014 kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131l\u0131k \u00b7 post #642<\/a><\/p> Ba\u015fka bir bak\u0131\u015f \u2014 ili\u015fkilerde a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131k \u00b7 post #9073<\/a><\/p>