2003 y\u0131l\u0131nda forumumuzda sorulan bir soru, farkl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerin sert bi\u00e7imde kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya geldi\u011fi bir tart\u0131\u015fmaya d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Hollanda\u2019dan gelen ki\u015fisel bir tan\u0131kl\u0131k ise tart\u0131\u015fman\u0131n a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftirdi.<\/p>
6 \u015eubat 2003\u2019te TOSYAGULU, EminAbi.com\u2019un \u201c\u0130li\u015fkiler\/Evlilik\u201d b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde do\u011frudan bir soru sordu: Bir kocan\u0131n kar\u0131s\u0131na vurma hakk\u0131 var m\u0131? T\u00fcrkiye\u2019deki toplumsal bir soruna dikkat \u00e7ekmek istedi\u011fini belirtiyordu. A\u00e7\u0131lan ankette 37 ki\u015fi oy kulland\u0131: 28 ki\u015fi \u201chay\u0131r\u201d, dokuz ki\u015fi \u201cevet\u201d dedi. Y\u00fczdeler s\u0131ras\u0131yla 76 ve 24\u2019t\u00fc. Bu say\u0131lar toplumun tamam\u0131n\u0131 de\u011fil, o d\u00f6nemde ankete kat\u0131lan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir forum grubunu temsil ediyordu.<\/p>
Ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na yaz\u0131lan 41 mesaj, tek bir sorunun ne kadar farkl\u0131 de\u011fer yarg\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 ortaya \u00e7\u0131karabildi\u011fini g\u00f6steriyor. Baz\u0131lar\u0131 \u015fiddeti ko\u015fulsuz reddediyor, baz\u0131lar\u0131ysa tart\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 \u201chakl\u0131 gerek\u00e7e\u201d aray\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u00e7ekiyordu. Ar\u015fivimizde bug\u00fcn bu konu\u015fmay\u0131 okumak, yaln\u0131zca ge\u00e7mi\u015fteki g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fleri hat\u0131rlamak de\u011fil; kullan\u0131lan dilin \u015fiddeti nas\u0131l normalle\u015ftirebildi\u011fini de fark etmek anlam\u0131na geliyor.<\/p>
Almanya\u2019dan Ceren, insan haklar\u0131na dayanarak kimsenin bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131 incitme hakk\u0131 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yazd\u0131. Forum y\u00f6neticisi Buket de \u00f6zellikle kad\u0131nlara ve \u00e7ocuklara y\u00f6nelik \u015fiddeti kesin bi\u00e7imde reddetti. \u0130svi\u00e7re\u2019den Face-of-Shadow, meseleyi yaln\u0131zca kocan\u0131n kar\u0131s\u0131na vurmas\u0131yla s\u0131n\u0131rlamad\u0131: Ona g\u00f6re sorun, bir insan\u0131n ba\u015fka bir insana \u015fiddet uygulamas\u0131yd\u0131; kad\u0131nlar\u0131n erkeklere y\u00f6neltti\u011fi \u015fiddet de ayn\u0131 ilkesel kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 gerektiriyordu.<\/p>
Buna kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k Yusufcan, nedenlerin ara\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini savundu. \u015eiddetin nedenlerini anlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak \u00f6nemli olsa da, tart\u0131\u015fmadaki baz\u0131 yan\u0131tlar \u201ckad\u0131n buna sebep oluyor mu?\u201d sorusunu \u00f6ne \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Bu \u00e7er\u00e7eve, failin eylemiyle ma\u011fdurun davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 ayn\u0131 kefeye koyma tehlikesini ta\u015f\u0131yor. Bir \u00e7at\u0131\u015fman\u0131n nas\u0131l ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ara\u015ft\u0131r\u0131labilir; ancak hi\u00e7bir tart\u0131\u015fma fiziksel sald\u0131r\u0131y\u0131 hakka d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrmez.<\/p>
Forumda PanT\u00fcrk, kad\u0131n\u0131n daha az konu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n daya\u011f\u0131 \u00f6nleyebilece\u011fini ileri s\u00fcrd\u00fc. Buket buna a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 ve erkeklerin de kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndakini anlamakla y\u00fck\u00fcml\u00fc oldu\u011funu vurgulad\u0131. DILAN, ayn\u0131 mant\u0131k tersine uyguland\u0131\u011f\u0131nda erkeklerin de s\u00f6zleri nedeniyle \u015fiddete u\u011framas\u0131n\u0131n m\u0131 savunulaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sorarak \u00e7ifte standard\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr k\u0131ld\u0131.<\/p>
Baz\u0131 \u00fcyeler, erke\u011fin \u201chakl\u0131\u201d olmas\u0131, kad\u0131n\u0131n \u201cs\u00f6z dinlememesi\u201d ya da sadakatsizlik gibi durumlarda tokad\u0131 kabul edilebilir g\u00f6rd\u00fcklerini yazd\u0131. Ba\u015fka kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131lar, din\u00ee yorumlara ba\u015fvurarak istisnalar ileri s\u00fcrd\u00fc. Bunlar ar\u015fivde yer alan tarihsel ki\u015fisel g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerdir; EminAbi.com\u2019un onaylad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kurallar de\u011fildir. \u0130nan\u00e7, \u00f6fke, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k veya anla\u015fmazl\u0131k, bir e\u015fin bedenine m\u00fcdahale etme yetkisi vermez.<\/p>
21 Mart 2003\u2019te Hollanda\u2019dan \u201ccizcik\u201d kullan\u0131c\u0131 adl\u0131 bir \u00fcye konu\u015fmaya kat\u0131ld\u0131. D\u00f6rt y\u0131ll\u0131k evlili\u011finde, e\u015fiyle birlikte ya\u015famaya ba\u015flad\u0131ktan sonra \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l boyunca tekrarlanan \u015fiddet ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlatt\u0131. Yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u0131rada hukuki s\u00fcre\u00e7 devam ediyordu. Bu k\u0131sa mesaj, tart\u0131\u015fman\u0131n en a\u011f\u0131r ve en somut anlar\u0131ndan biriydi: Burada art\u0131k varsay\u0131msal bir tokat de\u011fil, uzun s\u00fcreli bir deneyim ve buna \u201cdur\u201d demeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan bir insan vard\u0131.<\/p>
Cizcik ayr\u0131ca \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n beden s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131na sayg\u0131 g\u00f6sterilmesinin \u00f6nemini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc yazd\u0131. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7ocu\u011fu istemedi\u011fi h\u00e2lde bir yeti\u015fkini \u00f6pmeye zorlaman\u0131n, kendi bedeni \u00fczerinde s\u00f6z sahibi olma duygusunu zay\u0131flatabilece\u011fini savundu. Bu, onun ki\u015fisel de\u011ferlendirmesiydi; tek ba\u015f\u0131na \u015fiddetin nedenlerine ili\u015fkin bilimsel bir a\u00e7\u0131klama say\u0131lmaz. Ancak s\u0131n\u0131rlar, r\u0131za ve \u00f6zsayg\u0131 \u00fczerine kurdu\u011fu ba\u011flant\u0131, tart\u0131\u015fmaya yeni bir boyut ekledi.<\/p>
Ar\u015fivde cizcik\u2019in davas\u0131n\u0131n nas\u0131l sonu\u00e7land\u0131\u011f\u0131na dair do\u011frulanm\u0131\u015f bir bilgi bulunmuyor. Onun hayat\u0131 hakk\u0131nda daha ileri bir sonu\u00e7 \u00e7\u0131karmak do\u011fru olmaz.<\/p>
Tart\u0131\u015fman\u0131n dikkat \u00e7ekici yanlar\u0131ndan biri, ayn\u0131 mesajda hem \u015fiddeti k\u0131nayan hem de baz\u0131 ko\u015fullarda me\u015frula\u015ft\u0131ran ifadelerin bulunmas\u0131. Bir kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131 \u201chi\u00e7bir zaman\u201d derken hemen ard\u0131ndan bir istisna a\u00e7abiliyor. Bir ba\u015fkas\u0131 kad\u0131na vurulmas\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karken erke\u011fe at\u0131lan tokad\u0131 mazur g\u00f6rebiliyor. Bu \u00e7eli\u015fkiler, \u015fiddet kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n yaln\u0131zca iyi niyetli bir c\u00fcmle de\u011fil, tutarl\u0131 bir ilke olmas\u0131n\u0131 gerektirdi\u011fini g\u00f6steriyor.<\/p>
Ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u00e7an TOSYAGULU\u2019nun sonraki mesajlar\u0131nda ise daha net bir tutum g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcyor: \u015eiddet uygulayan kocalar\u0131n a\u011f\u0131r bi\u00e7imde cezaland\u0131r\u0131lmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini ve erkek kendisini hakl\u0131 g\u00f6rse bile vurma hakk\u0131 bulunmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yazd\u0131. Bu geli\u015fme, forum tart\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131n\u0131n bazen g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerin netle\u015fmesine de imk\u00e2n tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6steriyor.<\/p>
Bu ar\u015fiv kayd\u0131n\u0131n as\u0131l de\u011feri, herkesin ayn\u0131 fikirde olmas\u0131nda de\u011fil; 2003\u2019te aile i\u00e7i \u015fiddet hakk\u0131nda konu\u015furken hangi gerek\u00e7elerin, itirazlar\u0131n ve \u00f6nyarg\u0131lar\u0131n yan yana gelebildi\u011fini g\u00f6stermesinde. Ankette \u00e7o\u011funlu\u011fun \u201chay\u0131r\u201d demesi \u00f6nemliydi. Fakat bir ki\u015finin bile \u015fiddeti \u201chak\u201d olarak adland\u0131rmas\u0131, sorunun yaln\u0131zca rakamlardan ibaret olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rlat\u0131yor.<\/p>
Tarih\u00ee sayfalar\u0131m\u0131zda Ceren\u2019in itiraz\u0131, Buket\u2019in kararl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131, DILAN\u2019\u0131n sorgulamas\u0131 ve cizcik\u2019in tan\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131 bug\u00fcn de okunabiliyor. Bu seslerin ortak hat\u0131rlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 temel ilke a\u00e7\u0131k: \u015eiddetin bahanesi tart\u0131\u015f\u0131labilir, nedenleri ara\u015ft\u0131r\u0131labilir, \u00f6nlenmesi i\u00e7in \u00e7aba g\u00f6sterilebilir. Ama \u015fiddet bir hak de\u011fildir.<\/p>
FORUM AR\u015e\u0130V\u0130 \u00b7 \u0130li\u015fkiler\/Evlilik \u00b7 \u0130lk mesaj: 6 \u015eubat 2003 \u00b7 41 mesaj \u00b7 Anket: 37 oy<\/p>