{"id":659,"date":"2026-11-10T23:54:18","date_gmt":"2026-11-10T23:54:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/?page_id=659"},"modified":"2026-11-11T00:14:51","modified_gmt":"2026-11-11T00:14:51","slug":"im-sharing-my-secret-only-with-you-learning-to-listen","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/?page_id=659","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m sharing my secret only with you \u2014 Learning to listen"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Two
Editorial illustration about mutual support<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n

Trust, judgement and support \u00b7 Forum Selections \u00b7 2002<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A traumatic experience shared by a woman in 2002 reveals both the strength of solidarity and the weight of judgemental words in the forum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A secret she could tell only here<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

On the evening of 25 August 2002, a participant writing as Dilara described something she had never told anyone. She was twenty-four. While at university, she had worked during the summers to earn some money. Two years earlier, she said, the owner of her workplace had sexually assaulted her. Fear had kept her from telling anyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was now considering marriage to her boyfriend. She feared he would leave her if she told him what had happened, and worried about the consequences if he found out only after they married. She asked the forum for ideas about what she could do, rather than a judgement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her first message already carried two burdens: the effects of the violence and the fear that others would interpret it through notions of her honour. Being subjected to sexual violence does not change a person\u2019s worth, dignity or innocence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Support and judgement on the same page<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Replies came almost immediately. Shilan drew attention to the psychological effects and suggested talking to her boyfriend. Zorba argued that love could not be measured solely by virginity. Gaye explicitly challenged the religious blaming of a person who had been assaulted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A contributor called Bir Dost, however, offered religious advice and urged repentance. Other members objected because this appeared to treat the assault as her moral responsibility. Some replies questioned why she had not reported it rather than focusing on the responsibility of the attacker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Orlekon redirected attention to the responsibility of the employer she said had assaulted her. Dilara explained that she had not found the strength to defend herself and was afraid of people around him. Afterwards she had withdrawn from others, lost her former cheerfulness and been unable to stop thinking about the experience. This explanation brought the loneliness behind her initial question into view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fear behind the question: tell or remain silent?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In October, opinions continued to diverge. Some considered speaking to her prospective husband important for their relationship. Others feared he might later use the information against her and advised silence. Some mentioned hymen surgery. These suggestions reflected the social pressures of the time; they did not establish that a medical procedure was necessary or appropriate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

derya described an acquaintance whose relationship had ended after a similar disclosure. Timur argued that a marriage could not be built on deception. kasmir pointed out that people could have a secret of their own. The different responses showed that the discussion concerned not just honesty, but safety, fear of judgement and double standards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In rereading these views, we maintain an important distinction: a person who has experienced sexual violence decides whom to tell, when and how much to share. They should not be forced to disclose or compelled to remain silent. Safety, support and personal agency come first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other women speak<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A participant writing as Misafir said that her first employer had also sexually assaulted her and that she had later met someone who accepted her as she was. It was a personal testimony that could help challenge the feeling of being alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eliza suggested psychological support. Some members mentioned the police or other authorities. Not reporting an assault is not the fault of the person subjected to it: threats, fear, trauma and unequal power can make such a decision difficult. Some replies did not sufficiently consider these circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The conversation later expanded into virginity, sex before marriage and honesty between partners. At times the original appeal became a wider social debate that moved away from the person\u2019s own needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The responsibility an archive leaves us<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The discussion contains 66 messages. They show someone in 2002 seeking enough trust among strangers to share a deeply personal experience. They also reveal two sides of an online community: solidarity and hurtful judgement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The discussion does not tell us with certainty whether she later spoke to her boyfriend, made an official report or how her life continued. We do not supply a happy ending that the archive does not document.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone tells us about violence, do we first ask what they should confess, or try to listen and offer understanding and safety? That is the question at the centre of this rereading. The article recognises those who found the courage to speak and the importance of learning to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This text translates the Turkish editorial compilation of historical forum messages. Participants\u2019 accounts are their own statements and do not constitute independent verification of the events described.<\/p>\n\n

Sources and original messages<\/h2>\n\n

Original discussion \u2014 43 (Turkish)<\/a><\/p>\n\n

Message 212<\/a> \u00b7 Message 213<\/a> \u00b7 Message 214<\/a> \u00b7 Message 215<\/a> \u00b7 Message 216<\/a> \u00b7 Message 217<\/a> \u00b7 Message 218<\/a> \u00b7 Message 332<\/a> \u00b7 Message 338<\/a> \u00b7 Message 339<\/a> \u00b7 Message 545<\/a> \u00b7 Message 547<\/a> \u00b7 Message 611<\/a><\/p>\n\n

Turkish editorial version (Turkish)<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trust, judgement and support \u00b7 Forum Selections \u00b7 2002 A traumatic experience shared by a woman in 2002 reveals both the strength of solidarity and the weight of judgemental words in the forum. A secret she could tell only here On the evening of 25 August 2002, a participant writing as Dilara described something she […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-659","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/659","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=659"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/659\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":720,"href":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/659\/revisions\/720"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eminabi.com\/guncel\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=659"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}